omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
