woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
