New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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