it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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