Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
