I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
