The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
