I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
