Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
