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can u get pink eye on your cock?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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