We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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