Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
