"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
