I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
