Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize