Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
