I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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