Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
