Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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