I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
