My liver just broke up with me...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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