I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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