i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
