Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
