I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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