Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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