One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
