i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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