It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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