Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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