i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
