Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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