do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
