as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found the puke drawer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
