My nipple is on Facebook.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
