Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
