I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
