it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
