I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
