Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
