wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
