Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fill condoms, not promises.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
