I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
