Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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