I showed him my bush... on skype.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize