Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
