hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize