She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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