he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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