you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
