I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
