New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
