i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
