You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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