before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
