sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
