I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
