i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize