you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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