You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
