Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
