U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
