Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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