Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
