lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
