I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
