No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize