My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
