I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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