Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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