In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
