am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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