Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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