no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
