All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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