I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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