Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
