my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
